Hallo, it is I, Günther, once again.  How long has it been?  Far too long for you, I suppose, though I have hardly noticed, what with my schedule filled with wonderful and exciting things the likes of which you could hardly comprehend.

As you know, Halloween has come and gone, and it has given me a brilliant idea.  Next year, in order to have the most awesome costume of all your friends, go dressed as me.  Even if people do not realize you are in costume, they will admire your keen, albeit borrowed, fashion sense.  Perhaps, for a brief moment in time, you may even feel a little of the awesomeness I feel every waking second.

But this is doubtful.

The other day as I was getting into my expensive sports car, I noticed some girl staring at me. I'd say she came from the middle of the fish barrel, but the low middle, so I did not acknowledge her adoration. She persisted in boring a hole in my aura with her eyes, so I finally asked her if I could help her. She asked how I got to be so handsome, or something else about my wonderfulness; I wasn't really listening, and such questions are generally all alike from girls trying to jump out of their league by talking to me. I simply replied that if she used proper hygiene, and possibly considered cosmetic surgery, that she too could be fabulous, and to call me if she chose to take my advice.

I consider that my charitable act for the day. And she really can call me, once she puts forth a little effort to be on my plane of excellence.

Sigh.  This is Sven.

I just got back from a techno rave.  It was disappointingly short.  I am currently doing some techno raving in New York City.  Some man named, Fire Marshal, shut the rave down.  Who is this man, Fire Marshal?  Why is he allowed to destroy my techno raving? 

Sigh,
Sven

Ja, it is Günther here.  Much time has passed since I last addressed you, my adoring fans.  Has it been painful for you?  It has not been painful for me.  Shed your little baby tears if you must, but that is the way of things.

My life has of course been filled with many techno raves and general awesomeness far beyond your comprehension.  But I have also been quite distressed lately.  With spring here, the ladies have been very interested in me, and let me tell you, some are not worthy of breathing my recycled air, let alone trying to talk to me.  Or get any of my many cell phone numbers.  Or be in the same room as me for too long.

I only wish you could understand the weight of this situation.  But I would guess that most of you never have and never will be so fabulous that people cannot help but throw themselves shamelessly at your feet or camp outside your upscale living space.

I could say you are lucky for this, but I would be lying.  It is no luck at all to be hideous and pathetic.

Ja.  Valentine's Day is so trying.  Many ladies were calling Günther and I non stop asking for dates.  We had to decline.  Many boys were also calling for similar reasons.  We had to decline those offers as well.  We are not gay.  We are just fabulous. 

People can be so tiring with their talking, und staring, und breathing, und such.  I find that I have no need for valium these days.  I just give some unfabulous person permission to talk to me for 60 seconds.  That is all the valium I need.

Sigh,
Sven